The elephant in the adoption chatter room is not pink; it's bright green and named Money.

Here are some of the hard, awkward questions I've heard since starting this process.

Please note: I believe we should always, always be filled with grace (Col. 4:6) when educating others. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Some are genuinely curious, and even if they are just plain mean — still give grace.

Question #1: If you can't afford the adoption, how can you afford to care for the child?

Let's say a family needs $30,000 to adopt one child. Let's say the family has 18 months to raise the funds.  That's about $1,670 each month. Is that even close to what it costs to care for a child each month? No.

I plugged in some numbers for our own children. We spend an average of $200-250 each month on each child (including food, clothes, medical, education, entertainment, and gifts). That's a difference of $1,420. Every month. For 18 months.

That's why families can afford to care for the child ($250/month) but can't afford the adoption ($1,420/month).

Question #2: I wouldn't ask you to help me buy a brand new truck, so why are you asking me to help fund your adoption? 

Anyone who compares a truck, a house, or a boat to a human life is not ready to engage in conversation about funding adoption. Just smile and move on. Clearly, they do not want any part of your fundraiser. And that's okay because people don't owe it to you; they aren't under any obligation to contribute.

Question #3: Why does it cost so much to help a child who needs a home?  If there are so many orphans in this world, why aren't countries begging people to take them in?

Because there are despicably, dreadfully, disturbingly evil people in this world. Without the red tape (and the huge expense that comes with it), children would be "adopted" into the sex trade; "adopted" in order to sell their eyes or kidneys or other body parts; "adopted" for child labor; or "adopted" for God-only-knows what else a wretched mind can imagine. 

Question #4: Aren't you just buying children?

I had c-sections with both of my biological boys, and Simon's was around $20,000. Did I buy him? No. The hospital was paid for their service.

Similarly, in adoption, we pay for services.

We pay for:

• passports

• fingerprintings

• a social worker to inspect our home, interview our family, get background checks from all the states we've lived in, spend many hours writing a home study, collaborate with our case worker, and write four post-placement reports to send back to Colombia

• FBI Clearance
  

• a psychologist to test us, interview us, evaluate us, collaborate with our social & case workers, and write long reports about us

• doctors to give us physical exams, blood work, and immunizations

• notaries & apostilles 

• birth certificates and marriage licenses

• the Department of Homeland Security to approve our family for adoption

• 85 pages of documents (our dossier) to be translated into Spanish

• our agency for all the crazy work they do for us including processing our application, answering 492 questions, educating us, keeping us on track, ensuring our psych evals meet the criteria, reviewing our home study, constructing an individualized service plan to prepare our family 60 different ways, an in-country rep who will keep all of our ducks in a row for us, and more

• air fare

• food and lodging in Colombia

• an attorney while in Colombia

• visas, medical exams, and vaccinations for our children

Services cost money. Children don't (at least they shouldn't; please make sure you research before choosing an adoption agency). 

What questions do you have about adoption? 
Or, if you are an adoptive family, what hard questions have you been asked?