I get phone calls from friends and emails from strangers. "I'm not doing enough . . . I feel like a failure . . . Are my kids going to be okay? . . . I think I need to just put my kids back in school." Many of us agonize over the education and the quality of education we are giving our children. Many of us evaluate our homeschooling journeys. Daily.
When I read "Schooling Well" this morning, I had to put my fingers to the keyboard. I know the author didn't have ill intentions. She wants to challenge us to do our best for the glory of God. I completely agree with the overtone of her post, but I don't agree with some of the undertones.
The article is geared to those who are running here, there, and everywhere (not giving their kids an academic education), but her admonition seems to encompass a larger circle when she states that many homeschooling families are not truly preparing their children academically. This is why my fingers are on fire.
This author and I, we see the homeschooling community with two different sets of eyes. She sees and speaks to families who aren't doing enough, but that's not what I see.
I see do-more, start-earlier, academics-are-life, do-more-do-MORE, sit-sit-sit, I'll-teach-you-and-you-WILL-learn, I'll-stuff-you-so-full-that-you-will-never-be-hungry. I see over-preparation– to the point of annihilation of a child's natural love to learn. I see moms struggling to keep up. I see moms brow beating themselves because they aren't doing enough. And, I believe articles like "Schooling Well" are another kick . . . another prick in the mind of an insecure mom, making her wonder if she is screwing up her kids for life.
Another problem I have with the article is the fear-factor. What if I did kick the bucket tomorrow? My boys don't sit at desks. They have never had a formal history or science curriculum; I put off grammar until later. Instead of workbooks and textbooks, I present as many real and relevant learning opportunities as possible (including lots of outings) for my children. If I were a goner, I know what would happen if my kids were plopped into school. They would struggle (um, just like I struggled . . . just like my brother struggled . . . just like my genius-man struggled– kicking and fighting the whole way). I'm not going to play the what-if game. Tomorrow will worry about itself. I'm going to seize each piece and every parcel – all the advantages of home education. I'm going to do things differently than a flawed and failing system. I am not going to prepare my kids for possible entry into that system.
I don't know what God's given you. A child who is struggling to read at 12 years old? An auto-immune disease? A husband who is deployed? An unexpected death? I don't know. I am going to challenge you to do this home education thing to the glory of God, but sisters, please know that academics are only academics. Just ask my friend who went to college not knowing who Abraham Lincoln was. She came out with a degree. She was starving to learn, and she ate it up.
For the record, I don't believe academics are ZERO, but I am saying they take second place to REAL things (real discipleship, real people, real learning, and real life). I work hard to give my kids a strong foundation in the Three Rs. I'm all about it, but if you are at a place where you can't do that right now, here is what you can do.
1. Pray. Ask God for help to do right by your children. Ask Him to show you what they really need. Ask Him for the grace to give it to them.
2. Disciple. Walk by the way with your kids. Point them to God. Show them how His fingerprints are everywhere and on everything.
3. Stop. Stop looking around at others and stop the comparison. Your kids were given to you by God who knew every circumstance you'd face while they were in your care.
Yes, do your best for the glory of God . . . and know that it's going to look different for each and every mom.
amen and amen. thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t even wrap my head around when I ready that article. it left me immediately wondering if I was one of “those moms” who was not adequately preparing my son.
I HEAR YA LOUD AND CLEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMEN AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, Ami!
Thank you soooo much for these encouraging words and for putting things in proper perspective! ā„
Yes, I totally agree! We homeschool because it is God’s best for our family. We accept the authority that the law has over us and meet those laws, but our day to day homeschool choices are led by the spirit, with greater emphasis given to teaching what God wants and how he wants us to teach on a particular day than meeting some arbitrary ‘standards’.
Thank you so very much.
I really liked the “Schooling Well” article, AND I agree with your points. My idea of a thorough education whilst endeavouring to put the Lord first is all about praying for wisdom to know what’s important. It’s a constant balancing act, but one which is easier if I am guided by the Lord. In the end, we need to all pray that we hear what the Lord is telling us at a particular time, even if it’s uncomfortable.
I have to say that I like your own take on this better than the linked article. I read the other one this morning and had that icky feeling in my gut, “Oh, no, another blog post that lays on the guilt and inadequacy.”
The reality is that on one level we can never do enough. I mean, there is always something new to learn. We absolutely cannot cover it all. Teaching (parenting) is a job that is never finished. We have to live with that ambiguity. It’s hard.
We pray, seek God’s will, and obey as He empowers. That’s it. We give the rest to Him.
Thank you AGAIN for encouraging me š
You truly are a blessing to many!
I’ll admit, the snowflakes on the post you’re responding to was so distracting I barely got through half of it. However, I did read enough to feel a bit brow-beaten, myself! I’m not shortchanging my kids at all, but I’d like to know who among us isn’t failing our kids in some way? (And don’t even get me started on the extra special mommy guilt that homeschooling moms get a dose of just because they’re taking more responsibility than most. It’s false guilt, and I won’t take part in it.)
Anyhow, I think you’re spot on. The overtones are right. There are things we absolutely should not forget, and 3 r’s might not get enough attention if we’re not careful. I wasn’t annoyed with most of the article, but the idea that I need to worry about how my kids are going to do in public schools if I knock if is not helpful. Sufficient to the day are the evils thereof. Let’s not borrow trouble.
The number of moms who are too laid-back is far, far less than the number of moms who get a perfectionistic attitude and destroy what they’re trying to build because they spend so much time trying to figure out where they measure up in comparison to public school. I’m no unschooler, by a long-shot, but I’m certainly not going to worry about it if we wander off the beaten path and forget about handwriting for a week, or even a month. We’ll get there. We’ll take our own path. It’s ok. :0)
(I’m linking an article I wrote to this effect in my link up there. Hope you don’t mind.)
I appreciate your perspective here, but I also found the Schooling Well blog post spot-on and have noticed the same trends as its author. I think *all* parents, whether they homeschool or are school parents, should take their children’s education seriously and take time regularly to evaluate whether their kids are learning what they need to learn. Some do–and some do not.
Sometimes when a mom wonders whether she’s fulfilling her responsibility to her children with regard to their academic education, the answer is no. I don’t think it’s unkind or unreasonable to acknowledge that, or–as this author has–to admonish parents to take their children’s academic education seriously.
Yes! We need more grace towards the homeschooling community and not more guilt. There is no way we can make a blanket education big enough to cover what God wants each of our children to do! I love your three R’s- and we focus on those. We got burned out doing the school-at-home thing and have moved to unschooling. Never before have I been so humbled by my Lord as to see that He is teaching my children- I am just there for guidance.
ā13Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus.
This is my homeschooling verse. Even if my kids end up unlearned and ignorant, as long as they have “been with Jesus,” it’s all good. š
Thank you.
I read her post, and then I read yours. I hear YOU, sister! When I read the other post I hear fear (“what if I die tomorrow? my kids must be prepared!”) and conforming to the world (“how much quality academic learning is taking place?”) rather than faith. (I was also annoyed by her assumption that if we are out of the house a lot, I’m in a “quest” to make certain my kids are “well socialized” … I think not!)
I like your grace- and faith-filled “real discipleship, real people, real learning, and real life” path MUCH better!
Well…I’m going to come at this from another angle. I WAS homeschooled all the way through, K-12th. 90% of my friends were homeschooled the same way, and my husband was homeschooled half of his school years. So I’m speaking from my experience, as well as from observing and talking to my friends as we’ve all entered adulthood and started homeschooling our own children.
Our parents were divided into two camps. There were those that went with the “focus on character first, education second” (my family) and those that modeled the traditional school, “sit at your chairs and do textbooks” method. And while I’d say most all of us are now healthy, well-adjusted adults who were definitely better off than if we’d attended public school…I still see some major flaws that I’m trying to correct with my own family.
First, a good education is SO important. I’m not talking about learning everything under the sun or always finishing the grammar book. But instead being taught how to think, reason and be disciplined enough to work hard academically even when the subject is boring and seems pointless to the student. My family’s “character first” approach would have been perfect if the academic side had been also emphasized as important even though secondary to character. As an adult, I’ve often felt the lack of that training in thinking, reasoning and studying from my education. I wish I’d been pushed more, even though at the time I complained and whined. (And I DID score in top tier of all college entrance exams that I took, so even with what my education lacked, I was still above the public schools.)
Second, many parents in my generation didn’t instill their children with a love of learning. My friends got by (did well by academic standards, like myself), but as adults, they don’t think of learning with joy and excitement.
So, as a homeschooling parent, find a balance. Let your kids pursue what they love and find their interests…but also make them do the hard things. Making them learn isn’t a bad thing when it’s in the context of an overall fun and stimulating environment.
And as a side note, my family lost a parent during my early teen years. We were able to continue to be homeschooled (my mom is a saint), but she is paying the price now as she nears retirement age on a limited income without the funds to be able to stop working and/or move to be closer to her beloved grandchildren. Selfishly, I’m so glad she made the sacrifice for us. Even though it was imperfect, I still consider my homeschool experience one of the greatest treasures my mom ever gave me.
So, to close this long comment, I’ll concur that even if you don’t provide your children the “perfect” education, the gift of a loving homeschool environment that points towards Christ is the best gift of all.
Thank you Ami! I really appreciate your approach and encouragement!
I was privileged to hear Marcia Sommerville (author of Tapestry of Grace curriculum), speak at our homeschool convention this year. Her children were being interviewed about their experiences as a h/s family. After 20 years of diligently teaching, instructing, discipling and encouraging their children, it wasn’t the grammar lessons or the fun science curriculum or math manipulatives the kids appreciated (and don’t we as mothers agonize every summer what curriculum we’re going to use…. is it reuseable… can it be taught across different grades… what is the cost…). Each of their 5 children recall the TIME their parents spent with them.
TIME reading together, TIME out and about with mom or dad, fun TIME, family TIME, holiday TIME.
The time we invest in our children speaks volumes to them. And like you said Ami, let us use this time to count for God’s glory!
I speak from my experience on a small church-based college admissions committee. Both the best and the worst applications we receive each year come from home-schooled children. Our current best and worst students are both home schooled. The difference between the two is purely academic; both types of students can have rich, godly character. A lack of responsibility and no conception of structure is one of the main reasons we have to let a student go sometimes — sadly, too much flexibility (which can be a real advantage in homeschooling — don’t get me wrong!) can also really hurt a child’s chances at success later in life.
So here is the conclusion I’ve come to: the primary job of a *parent* is to disciple their children (character); the primary job of a *teacher* is to educate their students (academics). If a parent is both the primary discipler and the primary educator, then they have *two* primary jobs, both of which are important to prepare the child for a rich (meaningful) and successful (in any sense of the world) life outside the home someday. And yes, some homeschool parents do fail at one or the other, and I know of a couple who have failed at both, sadly. (Those who fail at both are rare, and usually involve parents who leave their children to educate themselves entirely. Such parents would not be reading this blog, but probably should.)
I say this not to inflict guilt, but to acknowledge the reality from the other side of the table (meaning college and the work force). While no parent who is doing their best needs to feel guilty or let their insecurities get the better of them, each parent does need to examine themselves to determine when they are “on” or “off” course academically, and to simply acknowledge it and self-correct when they realize they’ve gone through a natural, human bout of laziness, or succumbed to too little structure, too many outings, or too many easy A’s (or whatever…in some cases, parents need to stress less about standards and cultivate more love for learning). At any rate, home school parents really do make a difference when college admissions committees read applications, because they have been the primary (and sometimes the only) educator for their children for years, and they have either prepared their children for the transition to the rest of their lives, or they have not. And for better or for worse, it’s usually not hard to tell the difference.
(And by the way, I love homeschooling and am homeschooling my preschooler right now…just FYI. I’m definitely not anti-homeschool.)